eye - 10.07.99


Baby got crack

I can do something that is either truly bizarre or very common. I don't know -- it's not the type of thing a guy dares to compare.

I can crack my dick like a knuckle! I grab it like a stick shift (when hard) and, like shifting into higher gear, I push my dick and it pops! It makes the same sound as a knuckle and you have to wait for it to reset before it works again. Am I the only flake case who discovered this and why does it happen without bones in there? -- KNUCKLE KNOB

I swear, with the things you boys get up to messing around with your cocks, you'd think you have a couple to spare. "I wonder if it feels good to stick it in the vacuum cleaner. No biggie if it gets shredded to bits since I've got that other one lying around in the cutlery drawer." Or: "What happens if I yank on it like this? Ow! Ow! Ow! OW! Fuck! Oh darn, it's never bled this badly before... I'll just pull it the other way. Ow! Ow! Ow! Uh-oh. Oh well, nothing a little airplane glue won't fix in a jiffy!"

Dr. Robert Stubbs, a guy who spends a great deal of his time tinkering with people's tools, says what you're doing isn't actually dangerous. He should know since his specialty is penis enlargement and that's a pretty delicate operation.

Me, I was worried that you were doing something crazy. I wasn't joking about the Hoover and no, it's not a good idea. A urologist at Montreal's Royal Victoria Hospital claims that some of the worst injuries he's seen have been caused by men attempting to combine housework with masturbation.

As for Dr. Stubbs, he says the noise is the suspensary ligaments popping like a loose joint and that the ligaments are very strong. He also believes that you are a bit of a rarity and that the specific anatomical positioning of your ligaments allow you to do this.

Bottom line? "Great party trick," he says.


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