Teenie weenie - josey vogels

Yes, okay, I admit it. There is that moment - the first time you get naked with a guy and see his...penis - a moment of pleasant surprise, or that slight sinking feeling when you know you'll be giving your girlfriends the universal pinkie symbol the next day.
Size does matter. There. I said it. But does it matter enough for a guy to shell out almost $4,300 dollars and risk, at worst, death, or (perhaps even worse) ending up with an elephant-man penis, all for a bigger one? At the very least, there's a lot of discomfort involved. Surely it'd be safer and more economical to get creative. It's not the meat, it's the motion and all that, you know?
"If a penile augmentation cost $100,000, I'd still do it," said one gentleman, who was recently augmented from four and three-quarters to six and a half inches by a cosmetic surgeon in Toronto named - get this - Dr Stubbs. Dr Stubbs learned his technique from a doctor in China named - and I kid you not - Dr Long. "You only live once. There's no second chance."
He says he started feeling insecure about the size of his penis about 10 years ago, and was thrilled to discover that Dr Stubbs could do something about it. After two operations - one to lengthen and one to widen - and several weeks of recovery, he's ready to test drive his new toy, and he's thrilled. "I'm very happy with the results. I feel more confident. Women like it bigger and wider."
I don't know about that. I've always considered penises a bit like snowflakes: no two are alike and they all have their own individual beauty. Truth be told, admits Dr Stubbs, none of the guys who come for the procedure are there as a result of complaints from their female partners. (Are you kidding? We're way too polite.)
"Most guys who want the surgery have average penises but got insecure about them somewhere along the way," he says. "We call it the locker-room syndrome."

Since the fall of 1993, when Dr Stubbs returned from China with Dr Long's technique, Dr Stubbs has performed over 350 penile augmentations at his private clinic - the Cosmetic Surgicentre in Toronto's wealthy Yorkville neighbourhood.
Unlike most cosmetic surgeons in North America, who simply inject liquid-fat cells from other parts of the body into the penis to pump it up, Dr Stubbs cuts loose the part of the penis inside the pelvis and lets it enjoy the outside world. A few nips and tucks and you're on your way. If you want more girth, he'll either inject liquid-fat cells or do something called a dermal-fat grafting, whereby the fat cells are still attached to a layer of skin and transplanted into the penis to make it thicker. "The problem with the popular American technique of simply injecting the penis with fat cells is that they are unpredictable," says Dr Stubbs, taking a break from a busy day of breast implants, nose jobs, and facelifts. "Injected fat cells can die or move around and be reabsorbed into the body, eventually returning the penis to its former size or in some cases leaving it deformed and shorter."
Results vary, but Stubbs says he can add anywhere from a half to two inches in length. "You can't turn a four-inch penis into a 10-inch penis," he explains. "Our maximum result has been two-and-a-half inches, but I consider a one-inch gain a success." And apparently, the bigger the penis is to start, the smaller the gain.
He has no "you have to be this small to ride this ride" requirement, but Stubbs spends a lot of time with patients before he agrees to do the surgery to make sure they're psychologically and physically up for it. So while Stubbs is now doing two to three penile enlargements a week, he says he turns down about 75 per cent of the men who come to him.
"Initially, it was novel, and guys who were already big wanted to see if they could be bigger, maybe because they didn't want someone else to get ahead of them in line," says Stubbs. "In some cases, young guys come in because they figure the reason their girlfriends don't have an orgasm is because of the size of their penis. They just need to be told the facts of life."
Dr Stubbs also turns away overweight patients and smokers as high-risk groups for the procedure.

After the surgery, weights are hung from the penis to stretch the scar and the penis, and to prevent it from retreating to its former home behind the pelvic bone. The weights are what cause much of the actual growth, which freaks some guys out because they think it won't stop, says Stubbs. (Sounds like a good premise for a B-movie: The Attack of the Growing Penis!) Of course, some are very pleased by this, he adds, figuring it'll be hanging out the bottom of their trousers in a few weeks. And along with intense workouts, naturally, no sex for at least a month.
Needless to say, the whole thing can be a little traumatic. Beyond the natural swelling and bruising after the operation, complications can range from bleeding, skin loss, loss of sensation, and a feeling like you just hauled a 747 with your dick.
Enter Elizabeth Flanagan, the Florence Nightingale of penile augmentations. A registered nurse with a Master's degree in science and nursing, she runs a cozy little BandB called Butternut House in Toronto that puts plenty of Dr Stubbs' patients up after surgery. She points out that she is not a licensed recovery facility but simply a friendly innkeeper (ordinary guests assume these men are, well, ordinary guests) who is skilled to deal with any complications these guys might have after surgery. For $850 for three nights, patients get coddled and tended to hand and penis. "It makes them feel like little boys with mom bringing them chicken soup to make them feel better."
Flanagan says patients from 19 to 72 years of age come from around the world and from all walks of life; from famous people (she wouldn't reveal any names) to businessmen to working-class stiffs.
Oh yeah, all-night erections are another potential post-op problem that, uh, comes up. "This can be pretty scary for them, but I have analgesics on hand to deal with it," says Flanagan. "And I'm in 24-hour contact with Dr Stubbs if there are any serious complications." And she has cable and colour TV.
She agrees that in many cases men put themselves through this, not because a girlfriend has complained or that they were so small to begin with, but because they've experienced some psychological trauma that has made them insecure about the size of their penis.
"Maybe someone pointed it out and ridiculed them about it,"she says. When I suggested that perhaps they might want to get over it rather than go through all this, she says, quite simply, "Most of these guys think 'Hey, I could go through years of therapy but it's not going to lengthen my penis.' It's as simple as that."
Visit the Cosmetic Surgicentre's web site (www.psurg.com) for details on Dr Stubbs' penile-augmentation procedures and their risks. Be sure to check out the before-and-after pictures in the surgical-art gallery.


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