May 14, 1999
Tories tackle Grit manhood
PETERBOROUGH -- The Liberals are spitting mad.
They believe the Mike Harris Conservatives are misrepresenting the Grit platform in their latest round of political advertisements. The Grits are so angry they plan to formalize their rage -- quick, take a deep breath -- with a complaint to the advertising standards council.
But they're overlooking the most important and insulting point which is contained in the final line of the otherwise dull-as-dishwater advertisements. "Dalton McGuinty, he's just not up to the job."
This is a blatant slap at McGuinty's manhood, said Dr. Robert Stubbs, who specializes in penis lengthening and breast enlargement. "That one is a little bit below the belt," Stubbs said. "That type of ad would certainly have a double entendre. It would not be complementary. Using that type of phrase would hit at a couple of levels."
The 30-second spots are reinforced with messages that are yarded out along the June 3 campaign trail. Premier Mike Harris talks loud and long about McGuinty being short on experience. He is a weak leader who won't stand up to the union bosses, Harris says. And, this is a doozy, he's soft on crime. This apparently systematic emasculation is being broadcast across the province. There's even an anti-McGuinty website produced by the Tories with the appropriate address, www.notuptothejob.com. (Although, to be fair, the Liberals have their own anti-Harris site with the sneaky address www.mikeharris.com.) Some of the anti-McGuinty rhetoric is paid for, but the bulk of it is being amplified, free of charge, by the media that transcribes and reprints every Tory attack on McGuinty's ability to, er, lead.
I'm left wondering how this guy had four children. How he keeps his pretty wife and deep voice.
So here we have the Tories kicking McGuinty squarely in the crotch. Most men, after recovering from this wrenching blow, would bolt upright and take a wild swing at his opponent. But not McGuinty. He's going to grieve to some toothless advertising standards agency. What kind of a sissy reaction is that? This battle -- the election -- is for all the marbles and McGuinty wants to fill out a form and whimper about the wording of Conservative publicity. There's a barfight going on here and Dalton is whining to the waiter about the noise.
Maybe the ads are right.
Jeff Harder's column appears Fridays
(Jeff Harder is Queen's Park Bureau Chief for the Toronto Sun)
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