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May 14, 1999
Tories tackle Grit manhood
PETERBOROUGH -- The Liberals are spitting mad.
They believe the Mike Harris Conservatives are misrepresenting
the Grit platform in their latest round of political advertisements.
The Grits are so angry they plan to formalize their rage -- quick,
take a deep breath -- with a complaint to the advertising standards
council.
But they're overlooking the most important and insulting
point which is contained in the final line of the otherwise dull-as-dishwater
advertisements. "Dalton McGuinty, he's just not up to the
job."
This is a blatant slap at McGuinty's manhood, said Dr.
Robert Stubbs, who specializes in penis lengthening and breast
enlargement. "That one is a little bit below the belt,"
Stubbs said. "That type of ad would certainly have a double
entendre. It would not be complementary. Using that type of phrase
would hit at a couple of levels."
The 30-second spots are reinforced with messages that are
yarded out along the June 3 campaign trail. Premier Mike Harris
talks loud and long about McGuinty being short on experience.
He is a weak leader who won't stand up to the union bosses, Harris
says. And, this is a doozy, he's soft on crime. This apparently
systematic emasculation is being broadcast across the province.
There's even an anti-McGuinty website produced by the Tories with
the appropriate address, www.notuptothejob.com. (Although, to
be fair, the Liberals have their own anti-Harris site with the
sneaky address www.mikeharris.com.) Some of the anti-McGuinty
rhetoric is paid for, but the bulk of it is being amplified, free
of charge, by the media that transcribes and reprints every Tory
attack on McGuinty's ability to, er, lead.
I'm left wondering how this guy had four children. How he
keeps his pretty wife and deep voice.
So here we have the Tories kicking McGuinty squarely in
the crotch. Most men, after recovering from this wrenching blow,
would bolt upright and take a wild swing at his opponent. But
not McGuinty. He's going to grieve to some toothless advertising
standards agency. What kind of a sissy reaction is that? This
battle -- the election -- is for all the marbles and McGuinty
wants to fill out a form and whimper about the wording of Conservative
publicity. There's a barfight going on here and Dalton is whining
to the waiter about the noise.
Maybe the ads are right.
Jeff Harder's column appears Fridays
(Jeff Harder is Queen's Park Bureau Chief for the Toronto
Sun)